Family Meetings: A Cornerstone to an Enduring Legacy
At Wells Fargo, we are frequently asked by client families about the purpose and design of family meetings. Many clients have heard about family meetings—meetings that go beyond regular, quarterly reviews of planning items or investment results—either from their advisors or from other families of wealth. Some experiences have been wonderful while others have been less successful. Although most clients have some idea as to what family meetings are about, those perceptions are often based on limited personal experience. So, at some point, most families ask: "Should we have a family meeting?”
This white paper provides a broad overview of family meetings, including some of the details, inside tips, and lessons our Family Wealth & Culture Services team through Wells Fargo Bank, N.A. has learned over the years. To organize the information, the “Why,” “What,” “Who,” “When,” “How,” and “Where” of family meetings will be reviewed.
A family running a business or a family enterprise may be accustomed to meeting together to make decisions. After the sale of a business, or after inheriting significant wealth, family members may wonder why they should meet. “Big meetings may be fine for other families,” they may say, “but we’re close. If we want to talk about something, we just talk. Why do we need family meetings?”
The answer: family meetings may be one of the most important tools a family of wealth can use to preserve and perpetuate a legacy. They are a method by which the family can develop, grow, and maintain itself over time. Family meetings are a best practice for helping ensure your family preserves and transfers wealth over multiple generations.
Well-run family meetings can be used for at least three purposes:
- Communication
- Education
- Decision-making
Regular family meetings provide a forum for sharing news, concerns, opportunities, and challenges in an open, direct and inclusive setting. Family leaders can deliberate on various matters and make shared decisions in a truly collaborative manner. Meetings provide the opportunity to educate younger family members on the basics of family finances and on family traditions. Furthermore, the interplay of generations is a great way to model and develop family leadership. As time passes and families grow and become more geographically dispersed, family meetings become a way to engage and discuss relevant topics.
Planning for generational transitions of a business or wealth can be difficult. Creating an environment to communicate expectations and intentions does not take place without conscious effort. Many successful families have moved toward formalizing how they communicate about wealth and multi-generational family enterprise transitions using family meetings as the cornerstone. Some may decide to begin the communication process by having family meetings. This can be a great idea for almost any family, but having the right structures in place may provide a higher likelihood these meetings will accomplish what you desire for your family and your enterprise. Encourage attendees to be creative and have fun with family meetings. Setting up an environment where participants are relaxed and open may help to foster constructive dialogue. Here are six other points to consider in carrying out successful family meetings:
1. Schedule it
Regularly scheduled meetings that are on the calendar well in advance give family members a chance to make the meetings a priority. It also gives them a chance to prepare for the conversations that will take place. Meetings that happen last minute or only when there is a family emergency may not result in consistent, open dialogue.
2. Provide structure
The best meetings generally have a written agenda. This agenda should be simple and not try to accomplish too much at one time. Family members should have an opportunity to suggest items they feel need to be addressed. Sending out the agenda a few days before the meeting will allow invitees to gather their thoughts and help them avoid being reactionary in the meeting.
3. Make it a safe space
Meetings need to be a “safe place” for participants to be able to ask questions without judgment. Each family should have a set of guidelines for how communication takes place during the meeting. For example, some families use a “talking stick” to avoid people interrupting each other. It is also important that protocols be established for when, and not if, disagreements arise because conflicts may be inevitable. Conflicts are not necessarily bad, but they need to be managed properly. There should be an established method for working through conflict, so that when challenges and issues arise, they can be addressed in a positive manner. Many families choose to have a non-family facilitator run the meetings until harmonious and respectful communication patterns are established. It may also be beneficial to have the meetings take place in a “neutral” location, away from the home or business.
4. Add educational benefits
Meetings should not just be for updates on the family business or enterprise. Consider using the meeting as a forum to learn new skills and experience things together. Experienced-based learning may draw family members together and can create unifying outcomes.
5. Keep it positive
Try to set a positive tone for the meetings. This is not to say difficult conversations will not take place, but family members should look at the meetings as an investment in their relationships with each other. If meetings are treated as such, families can establish a pattern for regular, productive communication.
6. Documenting and storing notes and minutes
Assign someone to be the designated note-taker. They should capture key discussion points, decisions made, action items, and assigned responsibilities. After the meeting, the notes should be compiled into a formal document, such as a Word document or PDF. This document should include the date, time, attendees, and a clear summary of the meeting. The minutes should be stored in a place where all family members can easily access them, but also in a secure location to protect sensitive information.
Ground rules are a key element for effective family meetings. Each family determines their own ground rules through discussion and reflection. Sample ground rules are listed below:
Be Present and Respectful in Words, Body Language, and Action
Demonstrate respect and commitment to one another by setting aside potential distractions. Show with your body language and your actions that you are fully participating in the meeting. Turn off cell phones, laptops and all personal devices. If you need to be reached in case of emergency, designate a contact person during the meeting.
Listen
Listening is a skill that should be practiced, but it may pay off tremendously in effective communication. Be willing to repeat back what someone has said or otherwise demonstrate you understand what the other person is saying before making your own point. You may find you are reacting to what you believe someone said, not what was actually said. When someone says something you disagree with, make sure you listen to the points they make.
Own Your Views
Make “I” statements rather than broad, global statements that imply you know the truth or that something “is obvious.” Saying, “Everyone knows that is ridiculous” is unhelpful and destructive to communication. Saying, “I really disagree with what you just said,” is more honest and may be more accurate. If others share your views, it will be clear there is a shared perspective on an issue. If it turns out your view is not shared by others, you may then open up to new viewpoints or solutions.
Be Willing to Edit What You Say
Saying anything and everything you feel under the guise of “honesty” can be counterproductive. Deliver your points with tact and respect. Appropriate editing of your message will make you more likely to be heard. It will also reduce the chances that other people will get defensive.
Avoid Indirect Communication
Families may unintentionally allow indirect communication and alliances. You may feel temporarily better after venting to your sister about what is happening between you and another person. Unfortunately, your sister may then be stuck with reactions and information she now must either hold or act upon. Indirect communication allows avoidance of conflict rather than resolution of problems. Deal directly with whomever you are having the disagreement or conflict, whenever possible.
Formats for Family Meetings
In-person family meetings—i.e. retreats, reunions, enterprise meetings—are optimal, however getting together in person may not always be possible. The larger a family gets, the more geographically dispersed it often becomes. As it does so, virtual meetings become more attractive and useful. Virtual meetings should not replace regular in-person family meetings, but a family executive board or council can use teleconferences to take care of business in the months between larger family meetings.
The key to making virtual meetings work is to apply the same rules that apply to the family’s full meetings. Virtual meetings may feel more informal. But if they deal with the same goals as a “regular” meeting—communication, education, and decision-making—it is helpful to follow the same guidelines as in-person meetings. Otherwise, virtual meetings may end up impeding rather than furthering the family’s shared work.
Details matter. Consider the place and time, include icebreakers and enough breaks in between working sessions as well as opportunities for physical activity or family entertainment. It can be good to include storytelling and personal updates as well as references to the family’s mission, vision, and values.
Families and Collaborative Learning
Family meetings are a great place to learn, whether the topic is investments, business, legal matters, or the family itself. Outside experts can be brought in to provide education on specialized topics from allowances, investments to wills and estate planning.
Meetings are also a great occasion for family members to teach one another. Designated members can attend seminars or read materials between meetings and then present to the collected group what they have learned, e.g. book clubs. Teaching is a great way to learn, and family members appreciate seeing one another shine in this way.
Regular family meetings are also a wonderful venue for topics that break down well into modules. Across several meetings, a family may cover a curriculum on parenting children amid affluence, for example, breaking down the topic by ages (children 5–12, teenagers, young adults). The family could even cycle regularly through these topics every four or five years. This way, different generations experience the material from different points of view and with different experiences to share.
It is important for families to revisit certain topics regularly as times and people in the family change. This can help new in-laws, for example, receive instruction about the family’s holdings and its governance. New parents may begin learning about financially fit parenting. Keeping up a cycle of education is a great tradition for a family, allowing some members to learn, some to teach, and others to relearn material in a new light.
- Family business performance review and strategy
- Wealth management and investment strategy
- Family governance and communication
- Succession planning and leadership development
- Family education and development
- Philanthropy and social impact
- Estate planning and wealth transfer
- Planning for long-term care
- Introduction of relevant advisors and professionals
Final Thoughts
The potential benefits of meeting regularly as a family are many. Families who invest and commit to regular meetings can help deepen their communication, trust, and connection over time.
A family meeting need not be huge, confusing, or scary. Rather, it is one way a family of wealth can express its love, character, and creativity. It is a practical means of helping to preserve the family assets and family values for generations to come.
As with any new endeavor, conducting successful family meetings does not fully happen in one event; it is a process. A family meeting can be awkward at first, susceptible to mistakes and probably missing a few steps. Family meetings require education, and family leaders can learn as much as they teach (see section on Families and Collaborative Learning). They require patience and care to adapt to changing circumstances. But with proper guidance and intention, family meetings can become a source of development for family members and can help nurture the family legacy. We hope you and your family find these recommendations helpful as you adapt them to your own style, tastes, and needs.
Wealth & Investment Management offers financial products and services through affiliates of Wells Fargo & Company. Bank products and services are available through Wells Fargo Bank, N.A. Investment products and services are offered through Wells Fargo Advisors, a trade name used by Wells Fargo Clearing Services, LLC, and Wells Fargo Advisors Financial Network, LLC, Members SIPC, separate registered broker-dealers and non-bank affiliates of Wells Fargo & Company.
Wells Fargo Bank, N.A. (“the Bank”) offers various banking, advisory, fiduciary and custody products and services, including discretionary portfolio management. Wells Fargo affiliates, including Financial Advisors of Wells Fargo Advisors, may be paid an ongoing or one-time referral fee in relation to clients referred to the Bank. In these instances, the Bank is responsible for the day-to-day management of any referred accounts.